Charred Chattel
Those who have little or no experience in the auction world are usually unaware of the strange and absurd items–some of which look like garbage–that can bring high prices on the block. So our mantra is “don’t throw anything away before we come and look.” That is our golden rule, one we ask all who call us about liquidating an estate to follow, lest they make a tragic mistake and send marketable items to the landfill. However, all good rules have exceptions, even golden ones.
For example, should you be the owner of a house that is half collapsed due the fact that it has been gutted by a raging fire that was so hot it melted your canned goods and caused your cast iron coal stove to disintegrate, it’s a safe bet that there’s nothing left inside that house that is sellable.
Now yes, particular high end antiques and collectibles can still be sold even if they’re heavily damaged. We’ve sold handmade antique rugs with large holes in them for hundreds, even thousands. We’ve sold important paintings with slashes through them for substantial amounts. We’ve had high quality antique glass and pottery fetch good prices despite having chips or cracks. We’ve seen good period furniture–even when broken, gouged, painted, or defaced–command strong bids. Therefore, I imagine that certain things that have been in (as in near) a fire might still be able to be sold if they have suffered some carbon scoring or smoke/water damage. However, if these items were the fire, if they were the actual fuel for the conflagration, then that’s pretty much that.
Indeed, I never thought there would be a need for a term worse than poor when describing the condition of an item. However, due to a recent experience, I have personally amended the universal condition spectrum:
- Mint
- Excellent
- Very Good
- Good
- Fair
- Poor
- Ash
So, yeah… I’m quite confident that there is no market for charred chattel. I’m fairly certain that combustion and consumption by flame is a kill-all. Yeah…
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fast eddie
A lot of money can be made by selling ashes–just ask the owner of a creamatorium.
fast eddie
I guess once all of one’s belongings are burned in a fire they then become known as “ashets”.
fast eddie
I once went to a fire sale to purchase a grill, however, I came away empty handed as their “ashking price” was too high.
fast eddie
I once gave a man a swift kick in his ash. My shoe got dirty.
fast eddie
Where does one bury the ashes? In the ashhole of course!
J. Bear Savo
@ fast eddie: Wow. I love how you always try to top your bad jokes with worse jokes. But only five? Figured you’d have more.
Seraphine
a good fire will burn off mildew
it might even burn a path through the pile
of newspapers and magazines that litter the slanting floor
like third-country highrises
(i’ve heard that shangrila is hidden by piles of trash
waiting still to be discovered by persistent auctioneers)
ash holes should never be discarded without
a thorough and professional examination
by those who know a good fire from a bad one
J. Bear Savo
Hmm… A response in verse. Thank you.
kathcom
So my beloved kitty’s ashes are worth nothing? She ate really well, so her cremains are of the highest quality. And if you can sell them, could you also auction off the box I’m keeping them in? That makes a set; there’s got be value in that. Thank you, young man.
J. Bear Savo
You know, Kathy, that’s funny, but if someone called with that question I wouldn’t be surprised.
Margaret (Nanny Goats)
Is that, “Ash in box”?