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Carlo and I were working in the auction gallery when this profoundly confused woman entered. She approached my brother and said to him, “Do you sell stuff here or…” He waited for her to finish her question, but nothing more was offered. Carlo nodded, “Well, yeah. That’s what we do here. We sell stuff at auction.” The conversation continued for about another minute and accomplished nothing. The woman left, and Carlo returned to his tasks with a cry of, “Or… WHAT?”
“Excuse me?” I entreated.
“How would you finish that sentence?” he asked me to fill in the blank. “‘Do you sell stuff here or…’ What?”
“Do you sell stuff here?” can be classified as a silly question, but can also be explained by remembering that some people are hesitant to make assumptions or draw conclusions without gathering all information. However, the addition of the conjunction “or” and “…” adds a level of comedy to the question, implying that we do something other than sell the inventory that is in our show window and on the sales floor. Therefore, I have come up with the following plausible completions to this dangling query, hoping to assuage Carlo’s bewilderment.
Do you sell stuff here or…
- are you some kind of pervert?
- is this a wild chattel refuge?
- or mulch it?
- are you building a rebel army?
- do you just pimp it out by the hour?
- is this some kind of cult?
- are you playing house?
- is this a personal property petting zoo?
- is this a paint ball range?
- do you just consign it?
That last question (“Do you sell stuff here or just cosign it?”) is one that we have actually been asked… Yes…
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fast eddie
I have come to find that it is easier to treat every moron who asks a dumb question like a foreigner who speaks no English, that is to smile and just say “Yes” to their idiotic query.
Q: Do you you sell stuff here or…
A: Yes.
Q: Yes..what?
A: Yes.
Q: What do you mean?
A: Yes.
Q: Well… do you mean you sell stuff here or…
A: Yes.
And the circle is then complete.
After a few rounds of around and around they usually get too perplexed and go away scratching their head, often mumbling under their breath and calling ME the idiot.
J. Bear Savo
I can see you doing that, and that what makes it so funny.
eloise
We feel Carlo’s pain. Considering the name of our store is Central Park FLOWERS you would think what we sell is obvious. But inevitable people come into our store and ask “what do you sell here?.”
J. Bear Savo
What? I though you sold Central Parks.
Tony Vicaretti
Hi John,
Just wanted to say that I read all of your Blogs and enjoy them very much. My two favorites are “Ugly people and Pie” and “Tremendous squirrels”. Your writing is very creative and is definitely very enjoyable to read.
We look forward to seeing you all at your upcoming auctions.
Tony and Rhonda
J. Bear Savo
Thank you both. Hope all is well. See you soon.
Seraphine
“do you sell stuff here or…”
*are you an incredibly handsome man who dates smart, sexy women who come in off the street and ask silly questions?
*or do give it away?
*can i take you home to meet my family?
obviously, the woman was interested in carlo. you know… interested interested. ^^
J. Bear Savo
That could be, but even if Carlo was single, silly questions are not the way to his heart.