So, I’ve already discussed stealthy bidding techniques and overt ones.  Then my imagination took a stroll through that cerebral zoo of mine where I keep all my insanity caged up.  There I found silly bidding techniques, ones that I’ve never actually seen used, but would be hilarious should they ever be employed by auction goers.  Please note that I don’t actually recommend using any of the following methods.  (Especially at my auction!)  By writing this post, I am simply indulging my twisted sense of humor.

• The Slasher Flick Chick Scream: Do you want to bid on an item and scare off your competition at the same time?  Then when that coveted treasure is placed on the block, take a deep breath, raise your bidding card high into the air, and shriek like a teenage girl who’s cornered in a shower by Michael Myers.
• The Cymbal Crash: Grab a pair of cymbals and crash that brass together when you want to bid.
• The Greek: Either bring your own or buy a boxlot of porcelain dinnerware as soon as you can.  When you want to bid on an item, yell “OOPAH!” and smash a plate on the floor.
• The Hand of Foam: Are you going to an auction that you know is going to be very crowded?  Are you afraid that your bidding hand will be lost in a sea of appendages and go unnoticed?  Then be sure to bring with you one of those giant foam hands that are common at sporting events.  It’s a can’t miss.
• The Terrible Towel: Are you a Pittsburgh Steelers fan?  Do you wish you could use your Terrible Towel during the off-season?  Why not bring it to an auction and twirl its yellowness high above your head when you want to bid?
• The Air Horn: Nothing says “I’m bidding!” like a can of compressed air that squeezes out at 150 decibels.
• The Macho Man: Anyone over 25 years old knows the wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage, who is most remembered for two things: Slim Jim commercials and his famous, vein-popping exclamation of  “OOOOH YEAH!”  So take an auctioneer down memory lane.  Wear a flourescent camouflage leotard, and when you want to bid, point at the auctioneer and yell “OOOH YEAH!”
• The Sally: Remember that part in When Harry Met Sally when Meg Ryan faked that orgasm in the diner?  What better way to get an auctioneer to notice your bid than to emulate that moment of cinematic history?
• The Me-Me: When you want to bid, jump up and down with your hand in the air while yelling “ME! ME! ME!” like you’re trying to get picked by the popular kid for his kickball team.
• The Cheerleader: Don a pleated skirt and a letter sweater.  When you want to bid, kick high and wave your pom-poms.  The auctioneer will notice you, especially if you’re a man.

Please use the comment form below to let me know one or all of the following:

1. If you’re an auction goer, which of the preceding methods would you have the courage to try?
2. If you’re an auctioneer, which would make you laugh the most if used?
3. Do you have any silly bidding techniques of your own?

Your participation in this informal survey is appreciated.

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